Author: Sonya

Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. Except the PB lines, which belong to the people who made TPB.

This was written to Jes's specifications: A Firefly drabble with an opening line from The Princess Bride.

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"True love is the greatest thing in the world," Wash proclaimed, giving his lovely wife a happy grin.

Noting her bemused but detached expression at his proclaimation, he frowned. He could already see the wheels turning in that beautiful head of hers, planning the next job, sorting through possible strategies just like a good second in command. Which would be fine, if he were Mal, and if they were on duty. But they weren't working right now, and he was most definitely not Mal.

(And how could one tell that for sure? It was the pants, really. Nobody but Mal could wear such tight pants without looking ridiculous. Wash knew; he'd tried it once. Zoe had damn near busted a gut laughing when she'd caught him prancing around in front of the mirror in their quarters, neck craned 'round as far as it could go, trying to see how his ass looked in his pants.)

Wash watched Zoe for a long moment, calculating his strategy. He had to move fast, take no prisoners. This was a due or die mission, and he was not about to come back empty handed. Operation: Make Zoe Laugh had officially begun.

"Wellllll," he drawled, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and throwing in a leer for good measure. She dutifully raised her eyes to meet his gaze, obviously expecting him to start talking about her legs or her eyes or any other part of her body that happened to catch his fancy at that particular moment. Little did she know, Private W- no, no... Sergeant- Oooooh, or? Yeah, that was it. CAPTAIN Wash. Little did she know that Captain Wash was waiting in the wings with a surprise comedy ambush. God, he was so sneaky sometimes, he even impressed himself!

"Except for a nice MLT... mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich where the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato is ripe... they're so perky. I love that." He beamed at her, noting the tightning of her jaw muscles and the twinkle in her eyes. Giving her a nudge with his elbow, he asked in his most innocent voice, "Don't you think so, Lamby Toes?"

When Zoe cracked, the giggles escaping despite all her struggles to the contrary, Wash sighed contentedly. He might not get to ride horses into action and shoot the bad guys, but that was all right, because when it came to the really important battle fields, he saw plenty of action.